


Permanent Mark

by NiniAtTheYAC



Category: High School Musical: The Musical: The Series (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family, Kidnapping, Slow-ish burn, Suspense
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:49:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25510867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NiniAtTheYAC/pseuds/NiniAtTheYAC
Summary: Nini and Ricky were inseparable since birth and planned to stay that way forever. But on the thirty-third day of second grade forever is cut short when Ricky leaves school with his mom and is never seen again... not until ten years later.This is an adaptation of my AU which is already posted on Twitter, both are inspired by Robin Benway's novel 'Emmy and Oliver'
Relationships: Ricky Bowen & Nini Salazar-Roberts, Ricky Bowen/Nini Salazar-Roberts
Comments: 4
Kudos: 67





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This story is dedicated to all of my amazing readers on twitter who's constant excitement, love, and support of this work kept me motivated through thick and thin. I am so grateful to everyone who takes the time to read my writing, and I hope that you'll enjoy this rendition of _Permanent Mark _.__

The last time Nini saw Ricky was on the thirty-third day of second grade. 

The pair of them had been inseparable since birth. Next-door neighbors, born on the same day at the same hospital. Everywhere that Ricky went, Nini was never far behind, except for when he had to go to his mom’s house. Ricky’s parents had divorced when he and Nini were four, and at first, it scared Ricky when his mommy moved out, but now he knew that it just meant he got to have two Christmases and birthdays. 

Nini thought that maybe Ricky was lucky that his parents are divorced, but then when she would scrape her knee or get spooked by a thunderstorm, she was grateful to have both of her parents there to comfort her. 

The last day that they had together, Nini finally worked up the courage to give Kourtney a note for her to pass to Ricky. She watched in agony as Kourt handed the note to Seb, who then slid it onto Ricky’s desk. He sat one row over and two seats in front of her, so Nini couldn’t see his face, but she saw him pick up the note and unfold it, she saw him sit up straighter, and she noticed that the tag of his shirt was sticking out. 

That tag will haunt her. For a decade she’ll dream about getting up from her little desk and coming up behind him to tuck it back down and smooth his shirt. She will wake up in the middle of the night tears streaming down her face and reaching out for that tag. But little Nini, in her braided pigtails, doesn’t know that yet. 

Ricky turned around and looked at her, but for once she can’t tell what the look means. Afraid of the worst, Nini looked away and buried herself in her schoolwork. At the end of the day, Kourtney ran over to her with the note in hand, it had been folded and refolded so many times that it was soft to the touch. Nini opened it, it’s a simple note, it read: DO YOU LIKE NINI, YES OR NO??? CIRCLE ONE!!

Nini stared at the note in shock for a moment before chasing after him. Ricky was going to be with his mom for the whole Labor Day weekend. He said that they were going to visit his grandparents who live an hour away. Nini had to talk to him before he left. 

She saw him in the pick-up circle, she watched Ricky smile as his mom got out of her car to help him in. 

“Ricky!” she cries. “Ricky, wait!”  
She runs to catch him, but it’s too late. Ricky was already in his mom’s car  
And then he was gone.

\---

In the beginning, the reporters were everywhere, and they showed no mercy. They covered the front yards of the Bowen and Salazar-Roberts houses’. They made pleas to the public to help ensure a safe return of Richard and his mother. 

Then they start to make speculations. Lynne was Mike's _ex _-wife, maybe he wasn’t the victim after all. They suggested that maybe Lynne was in hiding with her son to escape Mike’s abuse. All of the adults in the neighborhood were questioned, then all of Ricky’s friends.__

__“What did Richard say to you about his dad?” The tall and imposing police officer asked Nini, who fidgeted in the chair that was far too big for her._ _

__She swung her little legs, “Ricky loves his daddy. Uncle Mike plays hide and seek with us, and gives us M &M’s in our popcorn when we watch movies,” Nini paused while the officer took notes, then an idea hit her. She let out a small gasp, and the man looked up in suspenseful surprise. “Maybe that’s what happened! Ricky loves playing hide and seek! Maybe he just thinks we’re all still playing, but he forgot to tell us!” Almost as soon as she said it the seven-year-old seemed to deflate once more. “No,” she sighed. “Ricky wouldn’t do that. He knows the rule is that you come out when you get lonely or when it gets dark.”_ _

__\---_ _

__The reporters didn’t lighten up, in fact, they began to target the kids - Nini, Kourtney, and Seb - for answers. One day, after watching the innocent children be harassed all the way home from their bus stop, Carol Salazar-Roberts sat them down for a talk. “Now look,” she said. “The reporters aren’t a bad thing. It means that people are still listening and searching. It means that people know that Ricky’s missing. But, those adults sometimes forget that you guys are just kids and not a news story. So, when they come near you or try to talk to you, I need you to sing Disney music as loud as you can. Try to get all the words right and don’t let them make you stop.”_ _

__All three of the kids thought this was the funniest thing any adult had ever said, they giggle at Nini’s mommy, and Carol laughs along with them while they practice singing Disney songs._ _

__The next time a group of reporters approaches the group of them as they are getting off the bus, Nini wastes no time “WE’RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER,” she screams at the top of her lungs, Kourtney and Seb quickly join in as they march towards their houses. “ONCE WE KNOW THAT WE ARE, WE’RE ALL STARS AND WE SEE THAT!” Although the news crews still followed them trying to shout their questions that day, within about a week they finally seemed to give up._ _

__Nini thought it was hysterically funny that serious adults hated Disney music that much, what she didn’t know was that Carol had taught them this trick because Disney songs cost a small fortune in royalties. As long as the song could be heard and recognized, the news would never broadcast audio of the kids again... not unless they wanted to pay thousands of dollars to show a handful of seven-year-olds screaming High School Musical songs._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're interested in seeing the original version of the story you can find it in my pinned tweet on twitter @austenseverdeen.


	2. Chapter One

_September 6, 2020 ___

__Although Nini hadn’t wanted to drag herself out of bed, now that she’d made it here, she was glad for it. When Ricky first went missing, the whole town was in shock, there were candle-lit vigils for him and huge search teams. After several months, shock and desperation turned to grief. They held a memorial for him and everyone wore blue because it was his favorite color. Finally, on the first anniversary of his disappearance, hundreds of people gathered in the park. Everyone who came brought a white, helium-filled balloon and under the beautiful, bright, sky they all released their white balloons for Ricky. Nini still teared up thinking about the sight of all of those white balloons disappearing before her eyes._ _

So much had changed since then. Uncle Mike had spent years searching and grieving until finally, Miss Jenn, a new choir teacher, came into town, and then he started healing. At first, Nini couldn't stand to see Mike dating again. It felt wrong to her that any of them, let alone Ricky's dad, could move on in such a big way. After nearly a year, Nini finally began to warm up to Miss Jenn, and by the time that she and Uncle Mike got married Nini was thrilled to be a flower girl in their wedding. She was even happier when they told her a year later that they were expecting a child. In some ways, Nini worried that they were forgetting Ricky or, even worse, replacing him. 

That was why she, Seb, and Gina had found their own ways to remember him. Every year on the anniversary of the day he went missing, they wrote him a little note, tied it to a string, and sent it to him. Today was a beautiful day for it. The sun was shining and Nini could almost feel at peace even as her heart broke for Ricky for the hundredth time. On the note this year she simply wrote, _“I miss you” _. What more was there to say?__

____

They sat on the grass in the meadow with Nini in the middle. She held onto their balloon. This was the part where she had to let go, she knows that. It was always the worst part. Nini watched the balloon sway softly in the early fall breeze. She feels Gina put an arm around her, and Seb kisses the top of her head while she tries not to sob. “How?” Nini eked out, “How has it been _ten years _?”__

_____ _

“It doesn’t seem possible,” Gina all but whispered. After a bit, she felt Gina’s hand gently squeeze her arm, her silent way of saying _"It’s time” _. Nini nodded in understanding, and just as she finally let the balloon slip from her grasp, her eyes looked up to find a yellow butterfly fluttering into view, for a moment, Nini stared in shock. “Hi Ricky,” she said to the graceful insect, Seb and Gina looked at her like she had lost her mind, but when they followed her gaze they both smiled as well - Nini could almost hear her little best friend, with his adorable lisp, greeting her in the morning as he climbed into Mama C’s car, “Hello, Butterfly!”__

\---

Every Wednesday for the last two years Nini had babysat Nora Bowen. Nora was both the little sister she always wanted and the closest thing to the best friend that she lost. In appearance, Nora didn't resemble Ricky much at all. Where he was all dark curls and warm eyes. Nora inherited her mom’s looks, bright eyes, and fine blond hair. But for as much as she had her own looks, her personality grew more like him every day. 

At least the way that Nini remembers him, that is. Sometimes, it’s hard to remember what is real and what memories are really just nightmares that she’s spun up over the years. She knows that Ricky called her Butterfly, but she doesn’t remember why. She remembers she called him Bear because, until the age of five, it was rare to find Ricky without one of his teddy bears in hand. 

Even though watching Nora could at times be an emotionally taxing experience, it was worth it to Nini. Mike Bowen rarely talked about Ricky anymore. So, Wednesday nights were Nora’s chance to ask questions about her big brother, and she had _a lot _of questions.__

__Outside, she and Nini blew bubbles, soaking in the last rays of sun from the day. Nora spun in circles with her wand, leaving a trail of bubbles behind her, until she stopped abruptly with a pensive look on her face, “Did Ricky like bubbles?”_ _

__“Um,” Nini tried to flip back through her memories, “There was a day at school called bubble day, and I remember playing with him at it. I think he liked sidewalk chalk better. We used to draw houses on our driveways and pretend to live in them.” Nora laughed and continued spinning around to make bubbles, but mostly making a mess._ _

__“Hey, hey,” Nini said, stopping her. “Remember, we can’t get all messy, I am not about to be on the hook for giving you a bath.”_ _

__Nora put the bubble wand down, and ran to Nini, throwing herself into her arms. “I’m tired,” she said. That was Nini’s favorite thing about Nora, unlike most five-year-olds, who fought their exhaustion until the very last, Nora would let you know when she was tired, and when she was tired, she wanted to sleep._ _

__Nini smiled, “Okay,” she said, scooping the little girl up tight in her arms and carrying her into the house._ _

__They made quick work of washing up, brushing teeth, and changing into pajamas. By seven o’clock, Nora was tucked into bed. Her night light glowing in the corner and a white noise maker filling the room with the serene sounds of a babbling brook._ _

__Nini sat beside the little girl’s bed, and Nora reached out to hold her hand. She slept fine on her own, but she didn’t like to _fall _asleep on her own. “Nini, will you tell me about that day?” Nora asked quietly.___ _

____In all of her life, Nora had never called it the “last day”, but whenever she asked about “that day”, Nini knew exactly what she meant. She nodded her head and braced herself to relive _that day _again.___ _ _ _

"My hair was in two braids that day,” she begins. “I remember Ricky had to help me fix one of them at recess." "My brother knew how to braid hair?" Nora interjected with a wide and sleepy smile. Nini nodded, "Yeah, he learned how to just for me," she said. "Tell me about the dress," Nora said, she had already heard most of this story but each time Nini told her about it there were new details that came back to her. "My dress," Nini said with a sad smile. "Was red plaid, with pockets, and puffy short sleeves. I wore black shoes that day, I think-" "And Ricky?" Nora chimed in. 

"Ricky's hair was the same curly mess it always was. He was missing one of his front teeth so there was a gap in his smile. And he had on one of his favorite shirts, it was green and blue striped-" her voice cut off. That was one of the identifiers that she had heard no less than one hundred times the week that he went missing. She could still hear the reporters _“A seven-year-old, male, brown hair, brown eyes, last seen leaving school with his mother in a red van, wearing blue jeans and a blue and green striped polo” _Nini shook her head slightly to clear it. Coming back to herself, she looked over at Nora who gazed patiently back at her. Nini told her about the note, it made Nora giggle every time. “You had a crush on my brother,” she snickered. All Nini could do was nod her head with a sad smile.__

__She had never told anyone but Nora about the content of that note. She tried not to let herself think about it all too often, but the question of _“What if?” _was what tripped her up every time.___ _

_______What if? _She didn’t hesitate when she saw the note.__  
_What if? _She had caught up to him before he got in the car.__  
_What if? _She had known that would be the last day she ever saw him._  
_

___Soon enough, Nora was asleep and Nini headed back downstairs to wait for Mike and Miss Jenn to get home. When they finally did return, she excused herself and headed across the lawn back to her own house._ _ _

___When she made it to her room that night, probably against her better judgment, Nini went to her closet. She stretched onto her tiptoes and reached for a box that lived all the way back on the shelf. She pulled it down. Opened up the lid. Inside there were just a few things; News articles, a pamphlet from his memorial service, and the note._ _ _

___Nini took the slip of paper out and ran her fingers along its soft creases. She read the words over and over again, DO YOU LIKE NINI, YES OR NO??? CIRCLE ONE!! With a red pen, he had circled YES three times. Her eyes burned with unshed tears.___

_What if? ___


	3. Chapter Two

_September 6, 2010_

Ricky sat in the backseat of his mom’s van staring out the window. It felt like it had been a lot longer than an hour that they’d been driving. “Mommy,” Ricky said. “Are we almost there? I wanna play with Grandma and Grandpa’s puppy before bed.” 

“Actually, baby, there’s been a change of plans.” His mom said, “We’re gonna take a big trip. Just me and you, buddy.” 

“Really!?” Ricky squealed, bouncing up and down in his booster seat. “Where?” 

“Chicago,” she said, catching his eye in the rearview mirror. 

“What? Where is that?” 

“Doesn’t matter bud, I’ll do the driving. You just try to sleep. It’s a pretty long drive.” His mom reassured him. Ricky nodded his head. 

“What about Daddy?” He asked.

“What about your dad? Buddy, he’s fine. Trust me.” Lynne said, sounding slightly impatient. 

“He’s gonna be really far away from us,” Ricky said, mostly to himself. He tried not to cry, he had already cried before school today about leaving his dad for the whole weekend. Nini was nice though, she never teased him when he cried. She just held his hand. That was what he loved best about Nini; she was so gentle, like a butterfly- “Wait! Mommy!” Ricky cried. 

“What! What’s wrong?” His mom said frantically. 

“Today at school- She gave me a note and I _like_ like her and she _like_ likes me, but I didn’t get to talk to Butterfly about it! I have to talk to her. We have to go back!” 

“Ricky,” his mom sounded really annoyed now. “Nini will be fine. You can talk to her on Tuesday.” 

Ricky tried to calm down, he didn’t like to annoy his mom, but Tuesday seemed a million years away.

\---  
_September 8, 2011_

They had been living in Chicago for a year now. And, for the most part, Chicago wasn’t so bad. The front doorman at their apartment building was nice, his name was Gerald and he always had lollipops for the kids that lived there. But it never got quiet, the way that Salt Lake did at night. There was always some truck driving around or some crowd of people walking through the streets. There was always something and it was enough to drive an eight-year-old, who was already a light sleeper, a little bit crazy. 

He rolled over again. He fixed his pillow again. He kicked off his blankets again. Then he got cold so he pulled them back on. 

His mommy usually yelled at him when he got out of bed. She didn’t usually let him sleep with her, not unless there was a thunderstorm. 

He sighed, laying on his back, he held his teddy bear in both hands resting it on his stomach. His mom had gotten it for him when they moved here. He liked this teddy but it wasn’t the same as the ones he used to have. 

“Maybe you’re the problem,” he accused the bear. He threw it on the floor next to his bed and rolled over… again, when he finally did fall asleep he dreamed about playing hide and seek with dad.

\---  
_August 4, 2016_

They were leaving Chicago. They had been here for almost six years and now they were leaving. And as much as he had always complained about Chicago, he hated change. Even at thirteen years old, changes made his stomach twist into knots. 

It’s not like he really had anything to miss here. He was homeschooled so that could go wherever he went, and his mom didn’t like him going out by himself so he didn’t have any real friends, just the other kids who lived in their building. 

“You packed up, buddy?” His mom asked, peeking her head into his bedroom. 

“Yeah.” He said, “Almost.” He sat on the floor pulling his books from their shelf and putting them into the box. He tried not to let it show that he was sad, but clearly his mom could see it anyway. 

She walked in and, squatting down beside him, ran her fingers through his messy hair. “I’m sorry, baby. But I promise this will be for the best,” that’s what she always said. She was doing her best, what was best, what would be best. That had to be enough for him. He turned around to pull his mom into a tight hug, and she held him while he cried. 

\---  
_November 20, 2017_

The best thing about moving to New York by far was that there was a skate park right next to their apartment building. And after begging every day for months, his mom finally relented and bought him a skateboard. 

For the first time in years, he had friends, or a friend anyway. He went by the nickname Big Red, which was honestly sort of a ridiculous name, but that didn’t matter. Because the two of them had the best time together. Big Red was a really good skater, and he was always willing to help other people learn new tricks. 

Even though he had dreaded this move, and all of the changes, for once it was nice to find that changes could just be good. When he moved as a kid he had lost so many things, but this time he just gained a somewhat louder city, with a lot more people, and most importantly a best friend. 

\---  
_April 27, 2020_

After changing his shirt for the fifth time, he sighed in defeat and put back on the first shirt that he’d picked out. His mom had always said that green was a good color on him. Taking one last look in the mirror, he ran his fingers through his curls. _Okay_ , he said to himself, _now or never_. Leaving his room he found his mom sitting at the kitchen table, working, as usual. She glanced up at him, “Well, don’t you look nice?” 

He felt his cheeks warm with embarrassment. “Really? Is it okay, you think?”

She stood up from the table to assess him closer, standing in front of him, she smiled. “Yes, really.” she adjusted his shirt. “You look like a little man, not my baby anymore.”

“Mom,” he groaned. 

“I know, I know. You couldn’t stay little forever, but you still live under my roof, so you know the rules-” she waited for him to list them back to her.

“Home buy ten, stay off my phone while I’m walking, pay with cash so no one steals the credit card number.”

“You get a new one tonight,” she said, and he gave her a confused look. “Be a perfect gentleman for your date.” She kissed his cheek before letting him go. 

\---  
_September 14, 2020_

His mom had always been a little weird about him going out, making friends, joining clubs. She always had said it was to protect him, and he loved her for that, but as he was getting older it was starting to get more and more suffocating. On that particular Saturday, he had practically begged her to let him go to the Natural history museum. “It’s for an assignment,” he argued. 

“It’s online homeschooling. How can they be requiring you to go to the natural history museum,” she scoffed.

“The assignment is to study and observe natural metamorphosis,” he said. “The museum has a butterfly exhibit. Look, Mom, it’s free and it might be kind of fun. You should come with me.”

“I can’t come, I have work.” She paused, and he could see that she was thinking, sizing up the situation, “Fine. You can go, but I want you home before dark!” 

He beamed, grabbing his jacket from the hall closet, “Thank you, mom.”

As he headed for the door he heard her call back, “Be careful. Love you, Josh!” 

“Love you too mom!” He said, pulling the door shut.


	4. Chapter Three

So he hadn’t exactly been telling his mom the truth this morning. There wasn’t a homework assignment. He just wanted to go to the museum. Red was always talking about taking his little sister there and even though he complained about it, Josh thought it sounded beautiful. Growing up in the city didn’t leave much room for nature. 

He met up with Red and his little sister, Peggy in the lobby of their apartment building. At seven years old, Peggy had the same red hair and freckles as her older brother, and a laugh so infectious you couldn’t help but be happy around her. Josh had never thought of himself as being very good with little kids, but he didn’t mind helping Big Red babysit Peggy. “Joshy!” She practically squealed when she saw him, “Look, I lost my front tooth yesterday!” She smiled wide so that he could see the gap in her grin. 

Josh tried not to laugh, “Wow, Little Red, you sure you’re gonna be able to eat with that hole in your mouth?” 

“Of course, I just have to chew on my back teeth,” Peggy said, very seriously. 

“Oh, good. I’m glad you’ve got that worked out,” Josh said, trying to match her intensity. 

Big Red came over to scoop his scrawny sister into his arms, “Alright, can we get this over with? I’d prefer to be done looking at butterflies before I graduate high school.” Josh laughed at his friend's exasperation, but followed him out of the building and headed towards the subway.

\---

Finally, at the Natural History Museum, they made their way inside. Josh couldn’t help the sense of childish glee that came over him as he entered the grand building. It was fairly quiet, for a Saturday morning, which was a relief. After leaving their jackets at coat check, he let Peggy and Red lead the way to the butterfly house. 

Inside they were hit with a rush of warm air. An artificial white light illuminated everything in a soft glow, and greenery was springing to life everywhere. Josh stood, staring, in awe for a moment. On top of the beauty of the environment, the room seemed to dance with the movement of hundreds of butterflies. “Joshy, did you notice how the flowers are a rainbow?”

He startled a bit, turning to Peggy, who stared up at him. “Sorry, what was that, Peg?” She gave him a quizzical look, and repeated herself, this time pointing to the color-coded groupings of flowers, red, orange, yellow, and so on. Josh smiled, “That’s really cool, Little Red. Do you think that’s where the butterflies get their color?” 

Peggy shook her head and then began sharing a long list of butterfly facts that she had learned from all of her visits here. Josh walked around the warm room with Red by his side while Peggy lectured them both about insects. 

When she finally ran out of facts she fell quiet for a moment, looking up at the ceiling, then all around her. Josh wondered what kind of thoughts ran around in a little kid’s head. He could hardly remember what he had been like at her age. Finally, she looked at her brother, “Red, I have to go potty.” 

Red sighed, rolling his eyes, “Of course you do.” Josh tried not to laugh. “Alright, let's go,” Peggy held onto his hand, “Josh, you can hang out here, we’ll be back.” 

“Yeah, okay,” he agreed, and found a bench along the edge of the room. He sat down for a moment. Soon, a tour guide came by with a group of children, who appeared to be on a field trip. “Now we have to be careful in here, kids,” the woman said in a sweet voice. “Butterflies are quite delicate little creatures, and we wouldn’t want to hurt them. Look at how thin their wings are,” Josh stayed tuned into her speech. He did as she told the children to do, and looked at the wings of the closest butterfly. A little yellow one. The back of his mind began to spark as he stared at it. He couldn’t put a finger on what exactly, but something about the warmth around him, the light, the rainbow of sweet flowers, and the fragile, fluttering, creature.

The guide continued, “Notice just how they almost float, how gentle they are,” Finally it clicked- _Butterfly! Nini- oh god what was her last name?_ His little friend from Salt Lake. He remembered calling her that. Josh tried not to think about Salt Lake too often if he could help it. Too many bad memories attached, but Nini was a good memory. He smiled fondly at the butterfly. Man, Nini, with her deep brown eyes, and pigtailed hair, had been attached to his hip for years, and- Josh blushed, remembering his friend- he had had the _biggest_ crush on her. 

Before he could wander too much farther into his past, Josh was startled out of his thoughts by a tiny body launching on top of his, “We’re back!” Peggy said, laughing.

“Yeah, Little Red,” Josh agreed, grinning at her, “I noticed.”

\---

He dreamed about his childhood that night. 

Nini and her moms, and their other friends, although he could see their faces, he couldn’t quite remember their names. He dreamed about his dad too. Hugging him and crying that last day before school. He couldn’t remember what his father’s face had looked like that day. That bastard. He couldn’t decide which was worse, if his dad had pretended to be sad or if he had been indifferent to his child’s tears. 

He dreamed about that first night away, when his mom hadn’t had the heart yet to tell him that this was a permanent change. When they got to the hotel she said, “You know, Richard was what your father wanted to name you, since it was his dad’s name. But you wanna know what I always wished we’d named you?” Curious, he had nodded his little head, “I always wanted to name my son Joshua. Hey, since it’s just us, what do you say to a new nickname, Joshy?” She said, ruffling his hair. At first, it was fun. He liked spending so much time with his mom, and it was funny to have a new name, but after a while, he missed being called Ricky. He missed everything. 

One day, about a week after they left home, his mom had sat him down on the edge of the bathtub in their hotel room bathroom. She had bought an electric razor and trimmed his curls before buzzing his hair off. When he looked in the mirror afterward, Ricky cried. He didn’t recognize himself. He wanted his daddy and his friends. He asked his mom when they could go home, and that’s when she told him the _whole_ truth - they had left because his dad didn’t want him anymore. They weren’t going home because his dad didn’t care about him. A tear ran down his mother’s face as she told him that his dad had told her to _get rid_ of him. Ricky wiped the tears off his mom’s face. His mom said that Nini would be fine without him and that all they had was each other now. He still wanted to ask her to call him Ricky again, but she was all that he had, and sometimes she got mad easily, he didn’t want to risk upsetting her. So he tried to forget that he had ever been anything but Josh, the son of a single mom in a big city. 

He jolted up in bed. A cold sweat all over his body, it had been years since he had dreamed about those days. He had done such a good job of trying to forget it all that he had nearly succeeded. 

“Salzar-Roberts,” he whispered to himself, shocked that he had been able to recall the name. He quietly crept out of bed to his laptop. He didn’t know what good it could do, but he needed to see how his butterfly was doing after all these years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you don't already, follow me on twitter @austenseverdeen !


	5. Chapter Four

The moment that Nini’s eyes opened that morning, her mind went to the auditions. She felt a complicated mixture of excitement and anxiety, not only because she was terrified of the audition itself, but because she couldn’t let her mothers find out about her plan to try out for the musical. So, Nini tried to go about her morning as usual. 

Once she was dressed and ready, Nini went to her desk to collect her school supplies for the day. There was an inexplicably specific order that everything had to be packed in her bag, not because she was a perfectionist, she just liked to know where her things were, and how they were organized, and how many of them there were, and that they were as they should be. Okay, so maybe she was just a little bit of a perfectionist. 

With her bag packed, Nini headed downstairs. “Happy Friday!” Mama D said, passing her daughter and blowing her a kiss on the way out the door. 

“You too, mom!” Nini called back, making her way into the kitchen where Mama C was already sitting at the table scrolling on her phone. _Okay_ , Nini thought to herself, _just be cool about it._

“Um, morning,” Nini said, trying to sound casual. 

“Hi, sweetie,” her mom replied, still distracted.

“So, mom, I was just wondering. Is it okay if I go to Seb’s house after school?” She asked brightly, maybe a little too brightly... this caught her mother’s attention. 

Setting down her phone, Carol looked closely at Nini, “Why do you want to go to Seb’s house tonight?” 

Nini tried to remain calm. She continued to make her breakfast while she answered. “I mean, it’s a Friday, we just wanted to hangout. Gi was gonna go too, but I don’t _have_ to,” Nini was dying inside. She hated lying to her parents, but she knew it was the only way. This was her senior year, and she had wanted to be a school production since middle school. Nini reasoned with herself that there was a good chance she wouldn’t even get into the show, but she couldn’t just give up and accept defeat before she even tried. 

Mama C sighed, “No, no. It’s okay, but I want you home before nine,” her mom said. Then added, “And Seb needs to walk you up to the door.” 

“Yeah, he always does,” Nini said. 

Her mom nodded, approvingly. Nini decided it was best to eat quietly and quickly and not press her luck. Her parents hadn’t always been like this, but it had been so long now that it sometimes felt like they had. Ricky’s disappearance had taken a toll on them, and ever since that day they struggled to let Nini have even an inch of space to breathe, let alone grow up. Soon she got a text, “That’s Seb.” Nini said, holding up her phone. “Love you mom!” she yelled, practically running out the door and waving to her friends. 

\---

Frankly, Nini had been a mess all day at school. She could hardly sit still through her classes, barely ate at lunch, and by the last bell she felt like a ticking bomb about to explode.With school finally over Nini found herself standing beside Gina in the hallway leading into the theater. They were the first ones there. The two of them sat in silence reading and rereading the audition packet- well, Gina was _trying_ to read it anyway. “Nini.” Gina said, firmly placing her hands on either of her friend’s shoulders “For the love of god, stop fidgeting.” 

Nini startled out of her own world, and realized that she had been wringing her hands rather intensely in an effort to calm herself. “Sorry, Gi. I guess I’m just nervous, what if I don’t get in?” Nini said. 

“You will!” Gina reassured her.

“And what if I _do_?” 

Gina gave her a look, “Then we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.” Nini hated not telling her moms what she was really doing. She wanted, more than anything, to believe that they would support her in this, but they had always been fairly clear about their expectations. _You should leave the performing to Seb and Gina. Yes, as a kid you enjoyed dance, but it wasn’t good for you. Your therapist agreed with us that it’s best to let some memories stay in the past, and the stage holds upsetting memories. Besides, you have more important things to pursue and focus on._

In all honesty, Nini could barely remember the “bad memories” that her moms went on about. She remembered crying after her last dance recital, she must have been ten or eleven at the time, but it was so long ago now that she couldn’t even recall what had upset her. Even still, Nini knew that they meant well with their rules and that every restriction they’d put in place came from a place of loving her, but sometimes they loved her too much. 

“Did you talk to Miss Jenn yet?” Gina asked, interrupting her thoughts again. 

“Ummmmm,” Nini hesitated. 

Gina gave her a light shove, “Nini! What are you gonna do if she talks to them?” 

When Miss Jenn had married Ricky’s dad several years ago Nini hadn’t known how to feel. It had been weird to see Mike moving on, but now Nini couldn’t imagine going back to a life without Miss Jenn next door. “I might not even get in and I don’t want to deal with all that if I don’t have to,” Nini said. “Besides, she won’t talk to them.” 

“But what if she _does_?” Gina presses. 

Nini sighed, shrugging her shoulders, “Then we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.” 

Gina looked unimpressed with Nini’s answer, but before she could open her mouth to speak Miss Jenn opened up the door to the theater to let them inside. 

\---

With auditions completed, Nini was in the school parking lot trailing behind Gina and Seb, while they headed to his car. Gina was doing the thing that she did when she got a little too excited - bouncing on the balls of her feet. Hopping just a little as she walked. Nini looked at her with admiration, Gi really had killed it in the auditions, there was no way she wouldn’t get a part. Shifting her eyes over to Seb, Nini thought that she could still see a faint blush on his cheeks from the compliment that Carlos had paid him at the end of auditions. Her thoughts of her friends were interrupted by the ding of her cell. Looking at her phone, Nini was surprised, and a little alarmed by the number of missed calls that she had. She unlocked her phone to check the single text that she had received. 

She read the message and stopped dead in her tracks. The whole world felt like it had stopped moving. “Nini?” - “Neens?” Gina and Seb said at the same time.

Finally, she collapsed on the pavement as tears began to grow in her eyes. Both of her friends rushed to her side. Gina picked up her dropped phone to figure out what had upset her, while Seb rested a gentle hand on her back, reminding her to breathe. Distantly, Nini heard Gina start sobbing, telling Seb the news. She felt her own tears trickling down her face. Finally, the three of them piled into Seb’s car and raced home to ask her moms for details.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After an embarrassingly long break, I'm back to share a few more chapters tonight!!


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